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My son passed away in 2012 when he ended his own life on the 5th of December.
What I am going to say may be unexpected, but I say it in the hopes that this understanding will help as many young people that need to hear it as possible.
On the morning of the fourth day after our son passed away, and after reading his final letter that he had written to my wife and I again, something occurred to me that hit me like a ton of bricks.
“All the love that you give your children, and all of the love that they give back to you, may not be enough to ensure that they live a happy and emotionally prosperous life.”
The love between our son and his family and friends was abundant and continuous. It was in our son’s nature to care for all that he came in contact with. He was very huggy and good natured. I never witnessed or heard of any instance in his life in which he expressed hatred, malice or ill-will towards anyone. ..Ever
He had friends that he was still in contact with since high school last year. He had a group of friends that he went to the movies with, friends that gathered for goofy parties, friend’s that he loved and that loved him back.
Although he was highly intelligent, he struggled with the emotions caused by his beliefs about himself, beliefs of incapability, beliefs of disappointment about himself, beliefs that had relied on my wife and I all of his life to accomplish a level of success that he enjoyed throughout his school career. And finally, a belief that he was not worthy or deserving of the love and support that was freely given to him by his family and friends. He was in a turmoil that was not recognizable by the family and friends that were around him on a daily basis.
What do the young people that you love believe about what they deserve in life?
You can give them all of the love and support that you can, spend time with them, help them with their homework; we did all of those things. …….but if they do not believe that they deserve the love and support that they get, your actions and efforts may not have the impact on them that you hope it will have.
What makes a young person worthy of all of the love and support that they receive?
Is it the fact that they can get good grades? Are they good in sports? Are they good looking?
What I realized was that young people deserve all of the love and support that they receive, because of their willingness to love and care for others.
Our son did not realize, understand or accept this about himself. He did not understand that his capacity to love and care for others meant that he was deserving.
This is an understanding that we could have communicated and made clear to him throughout his teenage years. We took it for granted, that because he knew that we loved him, he believed and understood that he was deserving and worthy of all of the love that he received.
In spite of the doubt and emotional turmoil that he endured, he did not readily talk about, or show any of us that he felt he was undeserving.
“If you are willing to love and care for others, then you are worthy and deserving of all of the love and support that you receive from the people in your life….period.”
I came to this realization on Sunday, December 9th, four days after my son passed away.
Talk to your children about what they deserve in life… and tell them why they deserve it….
it was so nice to find a place that has online chat! I have been looking for some place to talk like this for a long time. It was extremely helpful and i know i will be back. thank you so much.
If I ever have problems in the future and Im unable to see my psychologist Im totally going to use this site again. Im also glad that you dont HAVE to be actually suicidal to use this site.
[Specialist] was really cool. have never called a crisis line dont like talking but this was cool and [Specialist] stayed with me for like 2 hours and helpted me wright an email to a friend asking for help
I think its wonderful that this resource exists for free. I dont have a lot of money but would like to help support you. Twenty-four hour availability would be nice but I understand that there are limitations on what can be done. Youve really helped!
It was worth the wait. It helped me a lot. Im grateful youre available. Part of my depression is phone phobia so calling someone is out of the question. Thanks you for allowing me to text.